The Injustice of us

The injustice of our love
We inhabit this room
Each our own
The computer, TV, radio
Is all ours, but the towers shift further away

The injustice of our circumstance
Jealously reigns, though we pretend-
that it doesn't exist
Your heart fit mine so well
Though our time wasn't then-
and I didn't send for you

The injustice of this "fate"
Destiny planned a wrong course
For our romance, because all-
leads to now
And I wonder, how we both can live-
with this heavy hold, that was never sold

The injustice of our reluctance
Our denial of what we know to be true
You and I hide behind this pride
Living a lie and wash these reoccurring tears

The injustice of our ignorance
It stems in our pain
And we go on living through, waiting-
for another "you"

The injustice of our souls
We are the same eyes that got lost
We are the same lips that engendered-
love's greatest tale
We are the same body that tossed in our bed
Now this is all left unsaid

This injustice of no future
Must be blocked, must be ruled otherwise
Because the search can't continue and it's you-
that can cure the injustice of us
With every look my way, this is justice
In the house we live taking our lives-
back together today

Potential Love

I thought that this could be all avoided
That I would be able to suppress-
all these feelings
No, I can't ruin another relationship, situation
No, I can't let my heart control my head

Your charm draws me in
I descend into fascination
Possible infuatuation, as I sit next to you
Your hold is caressing my soul
A tole on my dreams, as I see with new eyes

Wishing, this will come to furition
I hope that you will gave me a chance
And see the possibilites
No I can't ruin another opporunity, relationship
No, I can't let my heart control my head

An aura about you draws me in
Dear Lord, this is no sin
This kind of potential love
I can't help myself, no this can't happen again
But I can't deny her
And my heart will just have to rule my head

I will lose all sense
I will curse all that negates this passion
I will untie my boundaries, for her
For this potential, wanting, needing love

The First Fall is the Hardest

They say the first fall is the hardest
That your heart can't contain
That you can't refrain from feeling
Dealing with your words, your glances
Dancing with you tonight

I say the first fall is the hardest
My eyes can't sustain this joy
Lifting the hold, my own void
You have a way with you
Kissing you tonight

You say the first fall is the hardest
That your hands can't stay still
They fill mine in this time
Teasing me with temptation
Facing the gaze, your love today, tonight

The first fall is the hardest
The control has evaporated
It is all new, but feels so right-
like I've awaited this all my life
With our fall, the hardest, tonight

Our Night of Love

Blonde locks feel to the floor
Discovered all that I needed
You pleaded with my touch
The sheets ruffled with our shadow
Gave me much to ponder, after this night-
our night of love

Fair skin mixed my tones
You had shown me, all I that had desired
Lingered your finger in places
That my face couldn't hide
Gave me much to wonder, after this night-
our night of love

Kissed these lips
Zippered down these jeans
For all we could explore
For what you and I might find
This was our night, our night of love

Teach me what I don't know
Show me what we used to hide
In our light, the flicker of our fire
Undress me at the seams
For what all this means
Our night of love

Doesn't tease me under these sheets
Hold me till I sleep
Stay till dawn
Don't leave your footprints on my lawn
For all our passion
Our night of love

Sweet, it ever maybe, our time is over
The clock has ticked past our mark
Felt me up by midnight, asleep by one
The sun has broken through-
and your curves have disappered
For all our lust
Our night of love

Became the one within

Tiny and tacit
Can you feel it appear
Steering the tracks I drove along
The feelings that were once forgone

Prolonged and insane
How can I refrain from a taste
Tearing the pieces I wrote upon
The thoughts that were in bits

Choppy it came a long
Can you see it emerge
Affecting the terror that raged within
Boiling the exterior, your interior

Fearful and tangled
It broke with the signal
Lapping up the tears that tore before
In a lessened state, none other was

Dismantled and enchanted
Tainted with old wounds
Only the few could mend
Walked in intimidation

Rejection was not the curse
Sensuality purred with delight
In sight, the temptation drove me wild
Truths broke the shield

Silent among the trees
In the midst of your breeze
Griped the life that tried many times
Lies had denied you to me

And the words spoken
Not just the token of a world
The familiar girl, that saved me once again
Who became the peace within

The Artist Eye

I had fled from myself
Too scared to look within
Tried to be without my soul
I had neglected what I now-
hold most dear

I was blind
Though the artist's eye cured-
my own disease
What I once despised-
I learned to embrace
The face I saw-
became my own
These hands, which I had concealed
Revealed to become apart of what-
I had lost

The opportunity was taken
My fears shook off my back
The artist's eye gave me the substance
That I had once lacked
I have this peace-
with the power to create
The ability to express these ideas
For all to see

With the stroke of my brush
I am painted anew
With this drawing
I am whole
With this photograph
I am my own
The artist's eye gave this girl-
a chance to be
Gave this girl a purpose, a meaning

Seeing beyond what's there
The dreams now are goals
And what I hold onto-
becomes all of me

The artist's eye is truly a gift
I am lifted above the despair-
That I had called my life
Strife tried to encompass-
all I could see
But the artist's eye cured me-
of my own disease
Because I am no longer-
afraid of my individuality

Swallow Once Again

Green, Blue, Purple
All in various kinds
To alleviate your mind
Taste the pain as you swallow once again

Pausing the way its always been
You said you could stop
But I’m still waiting when
Taste the regret as you swallow once again

Born into your hands
Without a man
They laid on the counter
Taste the comfort as you swallow once again

Bruise the loved ones
Their daughters, their sons
Wound their pride
Taste the betrayal as you swallow once again

Bouncing among your lies
She’s the only one who doesn’t know
What do you have to show her
Taste the deceit as you swallow once again

Red across your face
A stitch under your eye
Though dangerous, you yell “their mine”
Taste the hypocrisy as you swallow once again

Your secret weapon
They lived through it with you
Your days, fill them in
With each day, every sin
Give what you need
I was naïve, but now I see
What you were trying to teach me
Its quite refreshing, quite swell-your sugarcoated hell
Taste your destruction as you swallow once again

Night

Newly paved roads
Covered with dust
This brand new day has become rusty
Black from every angle
Debris encompasses this sight
It’s only 9:30, but it looks like night

Newlyweds had only so long
Their rings found among the dead
All that was left, of what was love
An evil in the sky, there they died
They looked so hard for completion
It’s only 10:15, but it looks like night

A conventional setting
In a city that’s nothing like it
TVs and radios broken along the streets
No scurry, No feet
Unlike any other morning, but it looks like night

Captured the moments through eyes and camcorders
Images depicting something that seemed unreal
Friends and foes on the same page-
Hurdled in each other’s arms
As all were alarmed
The past was trivial
Unlike any other morning, but it feels like night

Prayed to our Gods
For answers, for that tranquil peace-
We took for granted
Pile upon pile, stacked so high
We all hoped we could find silence
As it truly would be golden then
Unlike any other day in New York
The lights out, along with all sanity
It feels like night

News spread, our eyes fixated on what occurred
Wondered how we would cope
If coping was possible
Wishing for a new day to negate this horror
To block out the blood that covered what we all loved
Like any other day, America was night-
Searching for her light

Unlike any other day, 3,000 lost their lives
Died when hate tried to reign and feign that it could be supreme
All movement stopped
The tide didn’t rise
But what prevailed
Were her strength, her people, her spirit, her prayers, and her light
Amidst the day that began as night

These Fields

I searched for beauty in these fields of Africa
Took the life of a creature for its skin
But its blood was the only beauty within

I searched for beauty in these fields of Africa
A spectrum or colors caught my eye
A small pay for exquisite finery
But on my wrist
The bliss of its nature faded
And the black and brown shades reigned on these beads

I searched for beauty in these fields of Africa
Searched within, to why my desires had been
And their reasoning

Staring upon the deep blue
And it’s various hues
I reached an epiphany
Injustice on my wrist, with my rifle
And the truth had been forsaken
The beauty, I had taken

I had experienced immortality first hand
I had dealt this crime
I only give my word to the settlers of the East
To suppress the regression of your ways

Do not find in this animal’s skin
Or for the possession of a mere bracelet
Find beauty within

Little word called desire

There’s something inside of me
That I can’t express
It needs to unfurl along with your dress
This little word beholds an open book
With one look, this little word over takes
My body, my thoughts

The little word called desire
Is inside of me
Its fire is alive and well
Why don’t you kneel down next to me
This little word won’t disappoint

That little word expresses so much
Superfluous with your touch
A plethora of passion
When you’re here, on top of me
Loving every inch of my skin

That little word carries much weight
All day it formulates inside my mind
That little word, alive and well
As long as I can feel-
Than this little word is real

The little word that is desire
Is down inside places you’d only wish you could see
Kiss me and find out what you can explore
Lavish, its need requires more

I see the little word in your eyes
You nor I can deny what’s to follow
Only you and I know this high
As the floor finds our clothes
Desire’s got its intentions and its consequences
Immense in taste and texture
Savoring the silkiness of your skin
From all that’s within

This little word called desire
6 Letters, 3 constanents, 3 vowels
Does so much-
When the towel is on the floor
Your fingers meet mine
Trace the line of desire
As we find each other-
Nothing could be better
Than this little word called desire

A tear I shed my love

A tear I shed my love
For all we’ve been
For all I can remember when

Nothing remains
But these feelings that fuel my eyes
With our demise, a tear I shed my love

Memories awakened
As you touch me once more
With each glance, a tear I shed my love

12:15 remains in my mind, wishing it were ephemeral
No it can’t escape
With each thought, a tear I shed my love

Try so hard to put this aside-
But my heart can’t tell a lie
The more I think, the more I cry
With each ring, I tear I shed my love

I feel you upon me, your eyes dart to mine
As light pours through our lips
With each break, a tear I shed my love

No I can’t hold this pain
No I can’t hold this regret
I don’t want to lose what we’ve got left
It’s tearing at me, making it hard-
For me to conceal these tears I shed for you my love

2nd class

You call me 2nd class
Like its supposed to be my place
You infer with your most high
That I most derive at this point

I can not avoid the hate and bigotry
This culture you call holy
Is only loving in your eyes
As I walk aside with my wounded pride

A shout and a let down
Won't defer my course
We deserve better, we deserve more
Than what were offered

I furrow my brow
At the Headlines
Taking away freedom with your actions, your words
It's not your right to dictate my life

You call me 2nd class
Like its supposed to be my place
Like my face is a disgust
To your America

As you walk in your security
Oblivious to our pain
Our plea for equality
Ignoring the tears that fall upon these streets

Four score and seven years ago
America was a land of the free
Though you wipe your hands-
on all that’s supposed to mean
You crumble what’s known, what’s right

You'll picket and you'll fight
To destroy my life, my rights
And you'll condemn and you'll yell
And you'll live to tell me-
of my one way ticket to hell

Though love will prevail throughout these tests
No longer can we hide or regress
No longer can we conceal who we are
No longer can I live in the past
No longer can I be your 2nd class

Find them

What its to fill this need
For all I bleed, to complete me
What its to fill this void
The choice was never there
Through every particle, every hair
As I stare upon your lines
Wishing they were mine

Tease me with the time
Loving this, I will die
Find tears running through these wounds
You will know me soon

The masked, the few
That I have come to love you
That I have to dream of nothingness
My cause, my honor
To fill everything I wish was whole

Feigning fantasies for falsified pleasures
A lever on my heart
Can I start again
All of this, I ask when

The breeze blows across my skin
As I feel the same within
To each demand, each hand
To gravel along with the sand
I am not a woman, nor a man
I am not a lover or a fan

To have my own seeds
To plant once again
Send me a message
What God there may
Whatever I say, will be misconstrued
So find them for use
Find them for this life
In this time, this strife

The New Line

The sound stops
Blocks my concentration
Waiting for a new turn
Dismissing the worn path I dragged along
Sang off key, disappearing to a new song

And I looked for guidance from the tracks-
That lacked vision, a division of my heart
Torn apart, right from the start
Freedom isn’t really free
But I’m not shooting at a target

Question my motives
The explosive interior ready to burst
I thirst for a meaning
A reason for all the thought
Wishing not to get lost in my own abyss

Pass the stone
And swipe my card
I’ve been so close, but still too far
I don’t know these lies at all
Call me and count the minutes

Hair sticks to the floor
I break another fall
“Tall and proud”, what have I found?
Loud and suffocating
Amazing and mesmerizing

2.95, order up another Black & Tan
We love the change of seasons
Displeasing and teasing
Fabrication isn’t half what its caught up to be
On trivial visits across this new line

My Hymn

Uniformity of opinion
Living to one call
An all ending sign that-
would give us hope
Lather in the soap to cleanse
Send away evil thoughts
That is what they taught me

Father Jim gave me Communion
A union of souls
Though he held something else
Besides the wine
The body of the innocent
Save me from sin I pleaded
That is what I lived

A figure to worship
He would love me
With my "free will"
Till I lived otherwise
The eyes would abandon me
And curse all that I'd see
Look down upon thee
This is what they taught me

Praise an exalted one on most high
Give my money so freely
Without question I bowed my head
Believed all that was said
In promoting the "good news"
You were not I
I would point you out of the crowd
And condemn you out loud
This is what I lived

Confessed of what was 'wrong'
As long as I'd praise the virgin
And censure Ms. Magdalene
The time would come
Where he'd come back again
And all our sin would show
And we would know the 'true believers'
That wasn't me, that couldn't be

Never knew when my head-
went underneath the water
That this would arise
My words used against me
A dream of living a 'damned' life
Of an 'alternative lifestyle'

Under his collar
The grip held me tight
And the sight of it all
Caused me to fall

Save me they said
But from what I asked
They all laughed at my 'naivety'
Myself, save me from myself
I could self-destruct with-
or without your teachings
Your supposed brotherly love
It wasn't enough

The altar abandoned me
What were the rules
What would be alright
That night I denounced my faith
The faith of my dystopia

And I would no longer belong
The hymn, the song of his love
Proved what I knew what was wrong
This is what they taught me
What I once, tried to live

Forever the Snow

I try so hard to be strong
But I fall on my knees
My feet along this track
The world on my back
How can the weak survive
Will I ever be alive

I try so hard to breathe
But this life suffocates me
My hands turn the pages
The excitement of love has faded
How can the weak survive
Will I ever be alive

I try so hard to smile
But I can only see happiness-
For a short while
My eyes dart across the room
Scanning the crowd
I lose interest too fast, too soon
How can the weak survive
Will I ever be alive

I try so hard to love
But my heart I can't forsake
My eyes, all a while, never dry
This sea of blue has hit a new low
How can the weak survive
Will I ever be alive

How can the weak survive
With our constant pain
That forever reigns in our hearts
I cannot foresee what I don't know
This is my winter, forever the snow

Looking at you

This feeling will persist
I insist we continue on with it
Seek more than the deed
Converge what we see
The road I traveled
The path of where I won’t flee

This heart will pound
I am bound in my chains
Search more than the beats
Feel what we hear
The soles of my shoes
The map where I won’t lose view

These hands will pair together
Touch the secrets hidden within
Hold what hasn’t been finished
A beacon of light, tender in the night
Flight of all will
Under my survey, it is you

These lips will part and merge
This space in my face
Tip on my horizon
A stand upon new landing
The sand didn’t sink
The link that completes it all

Your new ground
The sound of firm footing
Upon my fields
Kneel in the grass
A grasp on what’s true
Looking at you

"At" poem

In October, my English Composition 101 professor had an assignment for us to write a Van Jordan (author of 'Macnolia' and other works), definiton poem. What I didnt know is that she submitted the poem for the "First Year Writing Poem" contest (or something like that). Anyway, here it is...

at (->) prep 1. It feels like I am at the dawn of a new beginning, a winning moment in a new reflection. The walk from my dorm to the Caf, at the exact point, the blister on my foot has bleed through my Hanes socks and it doesn’t phase me at all.
2. The tears that harbored my soul, that called me from motivation, at times when I needed inspiration the most, have fallen and found a healthy medium. They don’t see the light of day or find the glances at the ground on a once empty night. 3. At the will of my own ambition and redemption, I see my own light, one that no religion can give me. God never came through, and the hue never changed view, blue was the constant, at all stages of my “phases” 4. Some days will be shorter and some longer, but at the time, they fused at a blur, they scurried beneath and in between, like no had seen or feigned. I thought I reigned supreme, but though their influence was the cane that pulled me up. 5. The girls in the back, lacked all but purity and I sat there with my virginity, the agnostic with a soul, at that moment, the blood was spent. At the moment, I knew the word hypocrisy from my “friends”. 6. I left with wounded pride, they committed worse “sins” at the duplex, and our Prom’s “Best Western.” They took shots of Vodka with Vikadin pills, and at my own demands, I tended to my will, recognizing what had been left unfulfilled.
7. The tent of my repression and the attempted regression at hand, had placed these unwarranted demands, unforeseen plans. The scope of my low bellowed under my skin, at the core, I had to sake my own abhorring. 8. Rewind and divide the pieces, with the sharpest knife, at the pressure point, the terror had ended. The glass had become half-full with new liquid. 9. Spent three years near the crashing point, fled at exactly the right time, to save me and this life.